Recently I launched a campaign on my website called Xklusive Bachelor of The Month where I present a positive African-American male who is serious about finding and building a healthy relationship. While it’s going really well I was met with a number of women who immediately were turned off by the idea of a man presented for pursuit by women because society has told us that it should be the other way around. I also found that some women were highly upset, annoyed and even offended, if the men were not interested in dating them, so much so that I even got complaints about having the feature! I then realized something I had never thought about before; while men have to deal with rejection from women almost daily, it is VERY hard for a woman to deal with this same rejection. Women take rejection to their core, while men have been expected to “just deal with it.” Today I want to dig a little deeper and explore how rejection manifests in our relationships and how a woman might be oblivious to how it affects her man.
It’s More Than Just Sex. First and foremost ladies it’s no secret that men love sex. What you may not know though is that for us it’s bigger than the act of sex itself; it’s a way we stay connected to you. Due to this, if our sexual advances are constantly rejected, we miss out on more than just the physicality of sex, and this rejection isn’t just surface level. Another way men feel indirectly, but still rejected by their woman is if she never initiates intimacy. Newflash ladies: we like to be pursed and “wanted” as well. Instead of having a “if he doesn’t ask then he must be okay” attitude towards sex employs a “let me show my man how much I want him!” attitude sometimes and it just might make all the difference. Take it from a man, if our woman rejects most of our sexual advances and never initiates sex with us, not only does it bruise our ego but it also creates an emotional divide between us.
No man wants to feel like he has to coerce and convince his woman into being intimate with him each time the do goes down.
Another newsflash…. ladies men want to feel sought after and desired just as much as you do. We don’t want to have to always play the dog chasing the cat. Truth is that we don’t mind pursuing you but can you please meet a brother half way sometimes? No man wants to feel like he has to coerce and convince his woman into being intimate with him each time the do goes down. Yeah ladies some of you have taken this “hard to get” stuff to another level and for us it eventually turns into “I’m done even trying to get it.”
Intimacy is a Two Way Street. How do I know this is true? In my coaching I hear many, many wives complain about the lack of intimacy from their husbands, and I find that those same husbands had the fire but constant rejection has dulled their flame. What’s funny is that just like with my Bachelor of the Month the moment the woman feels that same rejection she has no problem showing to a man, she gets extremely upset and immediately the blame game begins and she shuts down. For people in a relationship it usually manifests itself in a conversation like this….”well if he would……….(insert task)………then maybe I would have the energy to have sex with him!” What you may not know though ladies is that the more disconnected you become from him through rejecting him, the less you may get out of him in other areas. Excuse…..NO….. reality….YES!
This isn’t my attempt to make excuses for men but I hope that it will offer some understanding. Yes, your man wants to feel like you want him and desire him. Yes, he wants you to come on to him and he wants you to look at him with the same desire that you want him to look at you with. Yes he wants to matter and be pursued sometimes! You can call it soft or not manly but I call it HUMAN!
Husbands and wives alike stop rejecting one another and start serving one another. That’s the sweet spot, and when you hit it sit back and watch the magic happen!